I want to be like Jeb: July 2014

Yeah...Pretty Much

So Yeah. I pretty much wanna be like Jeb. I dunno why. No one has ever been that inspiring. Like really, conquering fears. Like who does that? Who would want to do that? WHY? But I totally get it. I think I want to.

I was three years old when I drowned. I remember it. Then I was submerged. I could see my dad looking at me. He was in the water. He could see my head bopping above the water and me flailing for help. Then I saw him go under and I saw his feet. Then he grabbed me. That was my first memory of my Hero Daddy.

Hard to believe that I have so many fears. Especially with the way I was bought up. I was pretty much my Father's son. He didn't even take my little brother on his hunting/fishing trips. It was just me. I remember sitting in the sled and then the ski-doo stopping. Then I heard my dad. "Bunny." I got up to look and he was submerged in water. We had fallen thru the ice. Not really but that bottom layer is pretty much gonna give if you don't get off it soon. So I got off and he pulled the skidoo and sled out of the water. Then we just continued on to snare some rabbits at Doctor's Creek. Another memory of my Dad rescuing me.

INSPIRED. That's how I feel. Like really? Someone can just get over their fears? Count me in. It's like I'm actually sick and tired of being afraid. And to some people, I'm the strong one. Even after the sexual assault and suicide attempt, I came back. Stronger than ever. Nothing could stop me. Except the fears that I constantly had with me since I was a kid. Listening to Jeb Corliss, it's like, it all made sense. I was like, "I know, right!!!!"

So I started. And there's other things I gotta do, but at least I started, which is the most important thing. I think that's the first step. The very important step. If you can't take one first step, then what's the fucken point? Like really? Might as well crawl into your shell now.

I know I can do this. Julianna is my motivation. Just like Jeb, she's inspired me. But now she's motivated me. Mostly to kick her ass at exercising. lmfao If that's not motivation, I don't know what is. I can't wait to jump up and down and cheer and say, "YES! I did more push-ups than you!!!!" lmfao I'm so competitive, it's not funny. I anticipate many episodes of Julianna crying. LMFAO

Well anyways, getting it started.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Motivation

I don't know how I came across Jeb. He just appeared on my Facebook. And then I started looking at all his pictures and videos and my mouth was gaping wide open. I said, "I want to do that!" It was like an epiphany! It was like I was a volcano and I had been dormant for all these years. The more I listened to him talk about conquering fears and flying because he's wanted to do it since he was a child, the more excited I became. (No, not that way!) I got it. I finally got it. And you know what I did? I rode my elliptical for 10 minutes. Not much but considering it was only a household decoration for the longest time, it was a start.

And then this happened...

Julianna had been training in her off time at gymnastics this whole summer. Every day she was on the chin up bar, trying to conquer a higher number than the day before. She was very serious about gymnastics and she had the passion for it. She was so hard on herself if she didn't master a specific maneuver. After every class, I had to calm her down and give her the same speech I had been giving her since she started. "Julianna, you're not going to learn anything in a snap. It takes time. You had to learn to crawl, learn to walk, learn to talk. It all takes time baby. You just gotta keep trying. Then one day, its gonna magically happen." And I remembered these words when she showed me her guns. Her arms were huge! I was immediately ashamed. Like really? Your 8 yr old daughter is more serious about working out than you? That's when I started.

It's all about baby steps. As a single parent, if your kids aren't around, then you're not eating, cause you're not cooking. You're not cooking for one, you don't even notice that you went two days without eating because your daughter was across town at her cousin's place. So I had a little goal. Eat 6 times a day and drink 8 glasses of water each day. IT'S FUCKEN HARD! Seriously. A single parent whose life stops when your children step out that door. I would sit in the arm chair until she returned two days later. But this past week, I've managed to accomplish eating every day. And drinking water.

This weekend will be a bigger challenge as Julianna has gone to North Bay for the weekend. But like I said... baby steps. Drink and eat. If I can accomplish it this weekend, then I'll work on menu planning and portion control. This is where I'm glad that I gave up sugar and junk food. LOL It will be an easy transition. I'll ride my elliptical while watching TV and I just started a kettle bell workout, which apparently can give you a better cardio workout than the treadmill but not burn as much calories. Still. Calories are calories.

Anyways, yeah. That's it. I started. That's the most important thing. This volcano is ready to erupt.